Tiny kitten lips

Here’s a sure way of making new friends at work. Get into an elevator with 5 other people. When the doors open at your floor, immediately press Door Close thinking it’s Door Open and you’re being chivalrous. That’ll be a real hoot.

The 60-something man in front of me in line at the library checked out two books – The Devil Wears Prada and a Guide to Birdwatching. It’s gonna be a big weekend for him.

Right. So about that library. No, the other one…The London Library. I went on a tour on Saturday and, call me a nerd, but it was really interesting! Here are some facts you can use at your next party that are guaranteed to make you cooler:
- It’s the world’s largest independent lending library due to the fact that it retains every book it’s ever received.
- Its president is Tom Stoppard and its patron (whatever that means) is the Queen.
- The dates of the books go all the way back to the 1500’s (I’m guessing these are books such as The Pro’s and Cons of Wearing Poofy Skirts, Christopher Columbus Explored My Body (And other short stories), and Places That Haven’t Yet Been Made British Colonies).
- They don’t use the Dewey Decimal System; all their books are shelved alphabetically. They, and I, think this is cool because it really lets you see the depth of their collection; while browsing for Death (because who hasn’t done that before?), you also might come across Demons or Dentistry.
- Because it is not funded by the government you must pay a membership fee to use the library. This I can understand. What I can’t understand are the exorbitant fees. To use the library for a day it will cost you $20; for a week, $60. But here’s the kicker. You can buy a lifetime membership which will obviously vary in cost depending on how old you are when you purchase one. If you are between the ages of 18 and 25, it will cost you….$32,000 to become a member of the London Library!! I’m pretty sure you could buy all the books you’ll ever want for less than this; and if you’re using the library for research purposes, I’ll bet throwing in the cost of buying someone else’s research papers would also cover it. Yikes!
- Past members have included Charles Darwin, Arthur Conan Doyle, George Bernard Shaw, Charles Dickens, Virginia Woolf, Agatha Christie, and William Makepeace (I don’t actually know who this is, but I like his name)

I swear, if they claim that the Austrian incest guy is insane and cannot be held responsible for his actions, I will fly there myself and shoot him in the face. This is a promise. (And not that I agree with Perez Hilton on everything, but he hit the nail right on the head when he said the guy looks like Donald Sutherland. Creepy.)

*music – Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes, And passing them used lots of skills But when worlds collide said George Pal to his bride, I’m gonna give you some terrible thrills