Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

It’s an actual country song. Trace Adkins. The man is pure genius.

Here’s a sure-fire way of freaking me out:
Step 1 – Go into the stall all the way at the end of the bathroom.
Step 2 – Be very quiet so as to make me think there’s no one else in the bathroom.
Step 3 – Wait until I’ve gone into a stall and locked the door, wait 10 more seconds, and then start speaking Russian to someone on a cell phone? Yourself? No one? in a very loud voice.

The London papers were keen on reporting about a 101-year-old man, Buster Martin, who was planning on running the marathon yesterday, breaking the world record for oldest person to successfully run the 26.2 mile race (he was hoping to do it in under 14 hours but actually completed it in a little over 10). But oh what a scandal! This morning the papers followed up with breaking news that Buster was a fraud and he’s really only 94 years old. That fucking a-hole! No one cares about a mere 94-year-old man running a marathon! What do you take us for, sir, fools? We won’t stand for it! Talk to us when you’re 101 and MAYBE we’ll be impressed. MAYBE.

Words of wisdom from Sylvia Mon:
"Never go on the London Eye when it's hot out and especially when filled with children. They don't have any air circulation and even though it moves very VERY slowly, the children will still vomit."

I am materialistic. I would hope if you’re reading this, you know this by now. Last week I bought a Freitag bag. Yeah, I hadn’t heard of them either. But I was shown the light way back in 2004 in my Intro to Design class at Northwestern. Someone brought one into class as their example of an item that was designed well. They are designer, Swiss bags made from bicycle tires, car seat belts, and semi truck tarps. Depending on what design you get, the tarp might look dirty from all the acid rain and dirt whatnot, but I think it’s all part of what makes them so cool. It took me about 5 man hours to pick out what style and color design I wanted, and in the end I chose the Knightrider. It doubles as a ‘fanny’ pack so I will further be made fun of I’m sure, but at least now I’ll have a little more style when it happens. Check their stuff out at www.freitag.ch. Here’s a picture of my new baby:

*music – And ooo-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma There outta be a law, get the sheriff on the phone Lord have mercy, how she even get them britches on
(Yes, that’s Trace talking about said badonkadonk)