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Dear City A.M. Newspaper,
Thank you for including the headline “She Hates You, Yeah Yeah Yeah” above the picture of Paul McCartney on his way into court. Tasteless, yet brilliant.
Your avid reader,
Lisa


Dear G,
I understand that yogurt is delicious. But please, can you keep the plastic container scraping at the end to a minimum? How many more spoonfuls are you going to get out of it? A half? This sound was annoying in the Boston office and it’s annoying here.
Your deskmate,
Lisa

Dear Brain,
Please don’t have another dream about Dan Andelman, the Phantom Gourmet food critic guy. That was beyond upsetting.
You,
Lisa

Dear Woman Fixing Her Wig on the Tube,
Next time don’t make it so blatantly obvious.
Your fellow commuter,
Lisa

Dear London Bus System,
I hate you.
Your mortal enemy,
Lisa

Dear Woolworths,
You’re a big conglomerate. I get it. What I don’t get is that you are not consistent with your wares. I can buy toilet paper in you in Plymouth Massachusetts and bananas in you in Sydney Australia. But in London you have neither of those things. So here’s what I need from you, Woolies. I need you to be more predictable with what you are selling so that I don’t get pissed off when I can’t find paper towels in you but am overwhelmed with children’s bicycles.
Your angry-yet-loyal consumer,
Lisa

Dear Grand Plaza Serviced Apartments,
Please do not feel that you are entitled to use the phrase *serviced apartment* in your name if you are not going to replenish my toilet paper supply. This almost led to a disaster last night and that is unacceptable.
Your perturbed-that-she-has-to-buy-her-own-toilet-paper-when-the-place-across-the-street-willingly-gave-her-more resident,
Lisa

Dear Big Toe on my Right Foot,
I don’t know what I did to you, but please stop hurting.
The rest of your body,
Lisa

Dear Whoever Just Set Off the Fire Alarm in my Building,
You suck.
Your bitter neighbor,
….Juanita Jones

Dear Readers of This Email/Blog,
Thank you for being understanding of my Negative Nelly-ness when I’m in a bad mood because I got lost yet AGAIN trying to take the bus home from about a mile away.
Yours truly,
Lisa