The last blog in the form of fivers

Top 5 Things That Happened In The Last 24 Hours
5) Nearly every other person at the Corporate Challenge ran with a Blackberry in their hand
4) I tried to look nonchalantly cool after I couldn’t figure out the Gatorade drinking nozzle thingy and had to pretend like I was actually drinking the beverage even though there was nothing coming out of the spout.
3) I watched 15 minutes of Big Brother for the first time and felt really thankful that I’m leaving tomorrow or else I would probably watch that show religiously.
2) While waiting for the race to start, I listened to a woman talk about her sister’s hysterectomy.
1) I unknowingly saw G for the last time since it’s 9:37 AM and I don’t think he’s coming into work today.

Top 5 British Words I May Or May Not Start Incorporating Into My Vocabulary
5) Fiver
4) Ta
3) Row
2) Nappy
1) Pants

Top 5 Places In London I Will Miss
5) The row of global embassy mansions behind Kensington Palace
4) Soho Square
3) The library on Shoe Lane
2) Portobello Road
1) Oxford Street

Top 5 Places In London I Won’t Miss
5) Queensway (it’s like walking around Downtown Crossing only trashier)
4) The Circle Line at rush hour or any time on the Central Line
3) Hackney and Peckham (where 90% of the stabbings happen)
2) The British Museum on a Sunday afternoon
1) Oxford Street

Top 5 Random Londoners From My Daily Routine
5) The guy who hawks TheLondonPaper outside my office
4) The security guards who are skeptical of my badge EVERY SINGLE TIME
3) The guy at the front desk of my apartment building who always has my LoveFilm movies for me
2) The barista at the coffeeshop on my floor who looks surprised every time I get a Diet Coke even though that’s the only thing I’ve ever bought there
1) The street cleaners who wave to me every morning on my run

Top 5 Foods/Restaurants I Will Long For Back In America
5) “Authentic” Indian (although I didn’t really notice too much of a difference)
4) Caramel-filled waffles
3) Sandwich shops EVERYWHERE (especially Pret A Manger)
2) Gourmet Burger Kitchen
1) Kitchen & Pantry coffeeshop in Notting Hill (any coffeeshop with plush leather sofas and chairs is okay by me)

Top 5 Co-workers
5) R – because who else uses as many exclamation points when they’re not needed? (“I had a tuna sandwich for lunch!!!!”)
4) M – she gets a little overeager with fixing defects sometimes, but she’s got an awesome South African accent
3) K – the best-dressed straight man in London
2) T – probably the only person who I would be friends with outside of work; he also wears cowboy boots which earns him 80 Awesome Points
1) G - you had to see this one coming

Top 5 Places I Visited Outside Of London
5) Bath – even though I made Susan wait an hour in the gift shop of the Roman bathhouse, walking around that quaint, English town was a lot of fun
4) The gardens at Hampton Court Palace – when I get rich I’m going to have an expansive garden just as beautiful
3) Beneath the streets of Edinburgh – okay so the ghost tour lady scared the absolute crap out of me by screaming in the dark, but I still found those old streets and homes intriguing
2) The Burren – seeing the look on Susan’s face when she saw that stone formation was about 3 feet tall was priceless
1) Paris – Theresa made that trip one of the best I’ve ever had and it wasn’t even because she fell down a lot

Top 5 Potential Cat Names For My Future Cat
5) Onoshobishobi Ingelosi (Shobi shobi for short)
4) Marvin
3) Meester
2) Killer
1) Schrute

Top 5 Things I Am Excited About Returning To In Boston
5) The Phantom Gourmet tv show
4) The South End Open Air Market, Shakespeare on the Common, Movies By Moonlight at the Boston Harbor Hotel, and classical music concerts at the Hatchshell
3) Papa Gino’s and Dunkin Donuts
2) My apartment (but not the year-old bagels from Finagle A Bagel I stole from work that are still in my freezer)
1) Hanover Street in the North End and the smell of garlic wafting out of the restaurants

Top 5 Things You Should Know
5) I can fit all my belongings into my three suitcases, but I can’t move them
4) I know how to say ‘meatballs in my bellybutton’ in Spanish
3) When I see you again, I will give you an excessively strong and uncomfortably long hug
2) It has been so much fun writing to you all every day and hearing your (mostly positive) responses
1) I will continue this blog when I get home, but it probably won’t be as frequent and it will only be found online (http://www.lisashoshana.blogspot.com/) as I won’t be sending out emails anymore

Much love to everyone and see you all soon!
Lisa

Ear buds are a very nice item, BUT - - if you were about to spend $100, then I would much prefer a kitchen mat

I'm not sure who came up with this restaurant name, but I have a feeling it might have been a bird disguised as a human.

Bags? Excuse me?

I suppose it's normal to see a Princess Di postcard in a bicycle basket in London, but that didn't prevent me from stopping in my tracks and taking a picture.
On my way to Southbank on Sunday I crossed the Waterloo Bridge. As I was walking, I looked right and this was the view. It was at that moment that I realized how lucky I have been to have spent the last 6 months living in one of the greatest cities in the world. I mean, there I was just taking a walk and my neighborhood was Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, and the Millenium Eye. It was definitely a surreal moment.

18-5? Seriously? Wow. Look at you, Red Sox.

Well things just never work out the way you think they’re going to, do they? I mean, when I was born my parents had hopes of me becoming a WNBA player (they had a gut feeling that a women’s professional basketball league was going to be formed eventually), I thought I was going to be the principle trumpet player of the BSO, and my friend Ted was quite confident that he was going to be our high school valedictorian. But alas, things change. And instead of returning to Boston on July 19, I’m coming home the day after tomorrow (that’s the 12th for those of you who don’t want to do the math).

Without going into too much detail about why the change of plans (I am now paranoid about writing anything pertaining to my company on an internet blog since it’s a terminable offense), suffice it to say that it’s for a 3 day conference-type-thing happening next week. Needless to say, I’m a bit frazzled. I have spent my morning packing all non-crucial clothes (why did I bring a bathing suit with me?), cancelling my LoveFilm account (I never did get to see The Bank Job), changing my flight (at no added expense probably due to the fact that I overpaid for the ticket to begin with), and trying to eat as much of the food in my kitchen as possible (too. many. grapes.).

Tonight is the Corporate Challenge race, tomorrow night is T's birthday part/my leaving do, and Saturday morning I will soak up the last bit of London before leaving extraordinarily early for my flight to take advantage of every possible moment in that British Airways Lounge. As for things I had planned for next week that I will suddenly no longer be able to do, it could have been worse. I was supposed to attend a BBC show taping about dogs on Monday, watch The Marriage of Figaro in the park on Wednesday, and go to dinner with co-workers at Wagamama for my leaving do on Friday. Now, if I had a date with Tim Curry and Hugh Laurie (yes, at the same time), that would be a different story.

And so the week I thought I had to prepare some leaving blogs has now been drastically whittled down to 1 day. This is the excuse I will use if it sucks. Be on the lookout for it tomorrow…

I'm secretly the reason behind A-Rod's divorce

Living abroad for essentially the past year has shown me what a prudish, hypocritical country America is when it comes to censorship. There are prime time shows on network channels in America that I get embarrassed for while watching with my parents, teenagers wearing ridiculously skimpy clothes (no wonder pregnancy runs rampant), and video games violent enough to gross out this Sopranos fan. And yet there was such a brouhaha over those Legal Seafoods T ads in Boston. (For those of you who don't know about this, the restaurant Legal Seafoods posted "fresh" fish advertisements on the sides of subway trains such as "Hey lady, I've seen smaller noses on a swordfish," "This trolley gets around more than your sister," and "This conductor has a face like a halibut." T employees complained about the latter ad and said it was offensive.) So when I see advertisements in London such as the AussieBum one below, I can only shake my head and think that it'll be another 20 years before something like this would appear on Newbury Street.

Last Sunday I did a lot of walking around parts of the city I've never been to. This was really fun, but would have been even more enjoyable had it not been raining the whole damn time.

Worn out road.
Sunday afternoon I went to the Bossa Nova festival on Southbank. I was all excited to eat some delicious Brazilian food, but all I found was chicken wrapped in triangular dough pockets and deep-fried; it didn't look all that appetizing. I did manage to see some B-list British celebrity, though, so that was exciting.
This dude braved the Thames shore all in the name of sand sculpting. Gross. (3 hours later it was covered in water when the tides turned.)

The best part of the festival was the free concert Nouvelle Vague put on. I heard about these guys a couple months ago. They're a band from France who mainly do cover songs but revamped with a bossa nova beat underneath. They're incredible and I'm in love with them.

Captain Zoom should totally sue for copyright infringement

The second half of Saturday I spent at The Big Day Out in Whittington Park in Islington, some sort of fair for families. I thought it was going to be way more exciting than it was, but this picture of Mr. Boom, One Man Band From The Moon was about as exciting as it got.

I don't know if I sent an image of this one already, but I finally managed to take a picture of Banksy's latest work off Oxford Street. The greatest thing about this one is that there's a huge CCTV camera immediately to the right of where he painted.

The Freddie Mercury statue at the Dominion Theatre where We Will Rock You has been playing for something like 7 years. I have to say that the Freddie Mercury statue I saw in Montreaux Switzerland was way cooler. And not just because it wasn't surrounded by hordes of high school kids on a field day.

On Sunday morning I went to the Good Food Festival also taking place in Islington. This too was rather disappointing. The only good thing about it was a huge herb stand that would have been a jackpot if I cooked at all. What do you think this tastes like though? Tender Vittles with a hint of toothpaste?

Ah, the Nice Green Van of organic and fairtrade ice cream. The choices are...limited.

Not that there's anything wrong with that

The first event I went to this weekend was the London Pride Parade. Surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as good as the parade in Boston. But of course, there were some fantastic costumes and some hideous costumes. So here are some pictures guaranteed to make my parents cringe.

Oh my god these guys were so adorable. And the dachsunds were cute too. (zing)

I have no idea how they managed to walk all the way to Trafalgar Square without those things falling off. Nice tiaras, huh?

The only way I knew those guys weren't my dad was the fact that my dad got rid of his rainbow suspenders and tie-dye tank tops when he stopped being a hippie in 1987. (Gah! Mom, the dude on the left really looks like him, doesn't he?!?!?!)

I would put up a caption contest for this one, but I feel like it's just too easy. (Notice Wonder "Woman" swinging a whip around her head.)

The highlight of the parade for me happened before it even started. Sir Ian McKellen walked up to a parade marshal right in front of me and asked where he was supposed to be (the answer being leading at the front of the pack). Immediately after he left, the girl turned to her friend and squealed, "Oh my god! I just talked to Gandalf!"

No more mullet. Now just floppy on top.

So I’m sitting at my desk at home and listening to a Time Life infomercial for power ballads of the 70’s and 80’s. The announcers, one of whom was in REO Speedwagon, are absolutely atrocious, and at one point the ditzy middle-aged woman gushes, “3 words – ultimate power ballads…perfect.”

Boston, you shouldn’t feel alone in having violence overshadow an otherwise lovely weekend; there has been something like 6 stabbings in London in the past week alone. I have picked up a lot of knowledge in the last decade watching crime shows, but one theory that flies out the window when trying to solve a crime in London is that stabbings are personal. In the nearly 6 months I’ve been here, maybe I’ve heard about 1 or 2 shootings, but stabbings have totalled over 20, I’m sure. People are stabbed because knives are the weapon of choice, not because people are seeking vengeance on someone they know. I suppose, like Sydney, gun crime in London is kept at a minimum due to stricter gun laws and less access. But a kid stabbing two Niketown security guards on Oxford Street at 7pm on a Saturday night? That is just frightening. Boris is calling for a “crack-down” on knife crimes in Britain, but with the weapons so readily available just by walking into your own kitchen, I’m not sure how they propose to spearhead this so-called crack-down.

Anyway, on a lighter note, this weekend was one of my favourites in London. Usually I’m pretty good at finding most events going on in Boston during the summer, but in a big city like London, you’ll be lucky to hear about half of the things taking place. This past weekend I managed to check out four events, all of which I’ll be posting pictures from in the next couple of days.

In any case, I have started my “countdown of things” until I leave. I now have two weeks, one weekend, one Corporate Challenge race, £40 in my wallet with hopefully no more trips to the ATM, one taping of a BBC television show, and three sleeves of cookies to eat.

John Candy, Paul Shaffer, Alex Trebek, Mike Myers, Barenaked ladies

Well, like I said, yesterday was Canada Day. London celebrated by organizing a day-long-shindig at Trafalgar Square. I made it there after work just in time to see everyone drinking Moosehead beer.

A fantastic t-shirt. Of course, I had to say it in my head three times before I actually got it.
Something for the fellas....
And something for the ladies....
This woman is texting "Yeah, I'm wearing the flag in my hair. No one is talking to me. What the hell?"
Bacon bap, bison egg burger, HOT chocolate, curd cheese, and a misspelled 'poutine'...I don't know what to make fun of first.

The Relationship Manager job title sounds a lot different than the actual job

Okay, before I forget. Many people keep asking me when I am coming home to Boston. Personally, I think they are more concerned with how much more Lisa-free time they have to revel in rather than how much longer they have to suffer without me. Whatever their reasons for asking though, I’ll tell you that I fly back to Boston on Saturday, July 19 (assuming Terminal 5 doesn’t crap the bed again). That’s a little less than 3 weeks away. The follow up question to “When do you come home?” is always “Are you looking forward to coming home?” And so I will cut you off at the pass, be unoriginal and tell you “yes and no.” I don’t doubt that I will tear up the day I leave my apartment, that godforsaken broken trash can, the shower that sprays water all over the bathroom floor, and the door that slams no matter how gently you try to close it. But as much as I will miss those things (and countless others), I am eagerly awaiting the day I walk through my condo door, see my fake plant covered in dust, curl up on my Jerzee sheets, and call Papa Gino’s for a large cheese pizza (“just for me”) delivery. I’ve found that 6 months is the perfect amount of time to spend working in a different country (3 months in Sydney was far too brief). But enough about this. I’ll write more debriefing blogs later.

Now onto more important things. Football.

Sunday night I watched the Euro 2008 game. I know, I know…I never watch football. It might sound ironic coming from someone who enjoys watching baseball and doesn’t think it’s boring at all, but watching football is about as exciting to me as watching Mr. McFeeley talk about how a VHS tape works. But since Euro 2008 is huge here (it’s analogous to the World Cup the way the Winter Olympics is to the Summer Olympics), I figured I would try to immerse myself completely in British/European culture. So I got my plate of grapes and tub of hummus (not to be eaten together) and sat myself down on my couch for the next 90 minutes. Truth be told, it wasn’t terrible. 90 minutes actually passed by quickly seeing as how they don’t stop the clock and I could be distracted by the players’ hairdos. The greatest part about watching a sport where, on average, there are only 2 goals scored is that I can change channels, watch 3 minutes of Frasier, flip back, and will not have missed anything. I also enjoyed when the announcer kept referring to that one player Javier as Jah-vee-air. I’m not expert in the Spanish language or anything, but I’m pretty sure it’s pronounced Hah-vee-air. All in all, it was a good time. And I’m not just saying that because the Germans lost and you know how I feel about Germans….

Oh and hey brother-in-law…happy Canada Day. Bring a little Toronto fever to the Holy Land, will you?

A cross-dressing nun called Transister

Kanye West, here’s an update for you. The word ‘invisible’ does not rhyme with the word ‘invincible.’ (Another update? You are neither.)

I love to see a grown man walking down Oxford Street eating a Belgian waffle with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I love even more to see that same grown man’s chin, nose, and cheeks covered in ice cream as if he were a 3-year-old with no inhibitions about shovelling dessert into his face. Wear that ice cream proud, sir.

Walking down the busiest street in the world filled with flocks of tourists is usually a painful experience for me. But studying (i.e. laughing at) human beings’ behavior in their natural habitat (i.e. within proximity to schlock-y stores and Chinese takeaway stands) more than makes up for it. Like when that one girl bumped shoulders with that other woman and she kept walking but quite obviously mumbled ‘bitch’ under her breath.

Lisa to Apple employee Pearce: “Is there any way to add songs to a current playlist on an iPod?”
Pearce: “Can you move to the iPod station over here? I’m not allowed to move from this spot.”
Lisa: “Okaaaaaay.” (Moves 1 foot to the right)
Pearce: “So, what can I do for you?”
Lisa: “I want to know if it’s possible to add an artist to a current playlist on an iPod.”
Pearce: “If you click the center button, it will play the selected artist.”
Lisa: (Realizing I need to put this in his terms so that maybe he’ll start answering the questions I’m asking) “Okay, say I’m listening to COLDPLAY but I want to also listen to THE BEATLES. How would I do that?”
Pearce: “Ah, okay. Well, say you’re listening to X&Y…that’s an album by Coldplay…if you click Play, it will play all the songs from that album. If you click on The Beatles, it will play Beatles songs.”
Lisa: (Thinking “Oh my God, my mother knows more about iPods than this man”) “Is there any way to create a playlist that crosses artists though?”
Pearce: “Sure, on iTunes you can create playlists. If you want to create a playlist for a party, you can choose the songs you want to hear and set them as your ‘Party Playlist’.”
Lisa: (About to shove the iPod up his British nose) “Right. I know about creating playlists on iTunes. But can I do that on an actual iPod?”
Pearce: “Oh on an iPod? No. You can’t do that.”

This weekend was the Glastonbury music festival. It’s about as big here as Woodstock was in America, except it happens every year. I suppose you could compare it to Bonnaroo these days, but with more people, normally more rain and mud, and more skinny jeans. Saturday afternoon I caught Amy Winehouse’s performance on BBC2. Okay. Here’s the thing. I used to feel sorry for this chick. She has genuine talent and put out a couple good albums, but the media won’t let up on her for a second just because of a few mere things like crack pipes, anorexia, domestic violence, and an incarcerated husband. But I really thought she was undeservedly being crapped on. Until I watched this show. Holy moly that girl has issues! I’m sure you heard about the highlight of her performance when she repeatedly punched a fan (in her defense, they are claiming he grabbed one of her knockers). But what you may not have heard about is Amy:
- Calling Kanye West a cunt
- Fiddling non-stop (and non-soberly) with the hem of her dress
- Shoving her boobs back into her strapless dress after each song
- Asking the audience to let her know if one of her “tits pops out”
- Holding up her beehive hairdo so that it wouldn’t fall over
- Running at pretty high speeds across the stage in heels that were not made for a 95-pound drunk girl
- Flubbing her entrance on “Rehab,” stopping the band, and starting over again
- Confessing that Blake used to beat her with a cricket bat

All in all, it was a pretty decent set.

Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago

So here's something amusing. As you may know, advertisements are everywhere in London and double decker buses are certainly no exception. This picture shows the ad for the new Will Smith movie, Hancock. The first time I saw this I thought, "Someone has put something on Will's lip to make it look like he has herpes. Well, that's kinda funny I suppose. Serves 'em right for plastering such a huge picture of his face on a bus." But then I saw the same circle thingy on another Hancock bus. And that's when I thought, "Wow. They got that one too. That is dedication to the vandalism cause." But when I didn't see ANY Hancock buses without the STD-resembling circle, I started to wonder if there was something flawed with my thinking. So I started checking out other ads, and lo and behold, that circle was on all of them. (Unfortunately for the model, placed in a very embarrassing place on the Armani underwear ads.) You would think that the advertising people would take this bus "nubbin" into account when designing their public transportation ads. I'm just saying.

Further down the fence is a sign that says "IMPOLITE NOTICE - LOCK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BIKE TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING RAILING AND YOU'RE DEAD, MOTHERFUCKER"

If I had all the money in the world I would buy this truck for my niece, Chana...she absolutely loves trucks. She also loves to wear flannel shirts, smoke Marlboro reds, listen to Loretta Lynn, and be referred to as Large Marge.

The back wall of a butcher shop. First of all, that's a lot of plastic bags. Not very eco-friendly are we, Mister Animal Slaughterer? Second of all, I'm pretty sure that if you open the tape deck of that boombox, you'll find a Culture Club tape.

I have no funny quip about this one. I just like the picture.

Still on a mission to singlehandedly bring back the side ponytail

You can't see it in this picture, but to the right is a Saint Bernard with a London Times in its mouth heading this way.

If this doesn't look like a relaxing summer afternoon to you, I don't know what would. (Okay maybe he could be eating an ice cream cone, but that would be overkill don't you think?)

A sign in Holland Park. If it were legal for a country to marry parks, I would be living in the land of Mr. and Mrs. Lovesparksalot. And Elton John would have sung at their civil partnership ceremony.

Here's a sign stating the obvious. Hidden on the left is a sign that says "TREE" with an arrow pointing to the right.

Here's what looks like a boring picture of old people...
The woman on the left is drinking some anti-oxidant pomegranate juice hoping it gets rid of her crows feet and finally makes her attractive to the 30 year old hunk in Corporate Accounting. The man in the blue sweater is talking about how his wife just spent £50,000 to renovate their kitchen which didn't need any sprucing up since she hasn't cooked a decent meal in her goddamn life. The woman in the yellow blazer is thinking that this 6th cup of wine won't be enough if he's going to keep talking about his whore of a wife and their kitchen. The man in the white jacket is thinking that it's been over 4 hours since he popped that blue pill and maybe he should consult his doctor. The couple on the right is talking about giraffes.
However, if you look closely, you will notice that on top of the brick wall is a blue blob. And wouldn't you know, that's a peacock!! They just roam free in Holland Park. It's amazing! (Not as amazing as old people's conversations, though.)

If I hustle, by Monday, I might even make it to Rhode Island

No short jokes, please. Also, it's been quite awhile since I've seen an adult do this pose, and I feel like I'm due for a showing.

I'm telling you. I could spend another 6 months in this city and still find new parks to explore every weekend. They just love their grass and flowers here. This one was found in Regent's Park.
If you go to a park in America, you might see a pick-up game of football, baseball, or frisbee. If you go to a park in London, you will definitely see a pick-up game of soccer and cricket. And kite flying, naturally. (I guess the Let's Go Fly A Kite song from Mary Poppins wasn't as random as I thought.)

Jamie Lynn Spears' baby's daddy is a pipe layer. I am not making that up.

Not too much going on. And so a couple snippets will have to suffice on this going-to-be-excruciatingly-long Friday.

I went to see a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at an outside venue near Tower Bridge this week. It was the first time I had been to an audience participation show, but it sure as heck won't be the last. Except next time I'll be dressing up; now I just have to decide whether to wear a gold sequined hat, a ratty maid outfit, or a corset with garter straps.

Yesterday I overheard someone at work saying they had made a "school boy error." I was left wondering if this meant they had blinded someone with a slingshot, pulled a girl's pigtails, or hid a frog in the teacher's desk.

Like I said, it's been slow going. In the meantime, here's a picture of G's desk to keep you entertained. (Please pay special attention to the "figurines" on his monitor stand.)

5318008

Within Holland Park there's a lovely Japanese garden complete with a waterfall, koi, and plenty of rocks arranged in a feng shui pattern, I'm sure. (Crap, feng shui is Chinese, not Japanese. I'm never going to hear the end of that one.) In order to take this picture, I disobediently Kept On The Grass.

At least one of you (okay, so technically ONLY one) has complained that I'm not sending pictures with ME in them. This is because ever since Camera and I became best friends, I am reluctant to hand him over to others to take my photo. Knowing my obsessive-compulsive behavior about "my things," I'm sure you can understand this. Here's one that Eric took after we ate lunch at the rooftop Members Only Lounge at the Tate Modern (just one of the perks of hanging out with him). Warning - hips may appear larger than they actually are.

And here is one from a Houston rodeo in 2003.

Here's a Globe Theatre actor/musician making a face that appears to imply something inappropriate about playing his skin flute.

I hope Jack Nicholson has heartburn all day today

Last night I walked around Holland Park and took a bunch of pictures that old people would like (flowers, statues, ponds, etc.). Here's one for all you grannies out there.

I love that there's some kid out there who's as fed up with her Crocs as the rest of the sane world is and has tried to hide them inconspicuously. (I assume it's a her and not a him for the child's sake.)

One of the marvellous things about summer in London that I will greatly miss is the fact that the sun is out from 5 in the morning until 10 at night. This picture was taken around 8:45 pm.

I don't know WHO Ian Collins is, but I certainly know WHAT he is.

I’m glad I didn’t throw out that Celtics hat I got in 1992

Unrelated to the Bard, pigeons, falafel, and sweat-accommodating clothing, I have two updates for you:

1) The jets from Monday’s pictures were for The Trooping of the Colour in celebration of the Queen’s birthday. I felt only slightly ignorant for being informed of this by someone living in Boston (thanks Brent!).

2) Oftentimes in my blog I will refer to people as “stupid,” “idiots,” or “insanely incompetent.” Sigh. It is with great sadness, and shock for you I’m sure, that I must now include myself in those categories. When I mocked the Freddie Mercury fans for inscribing the words “I still love you” on his door, I was not privy to the meaning behind this phrase and simply took the opportunity to further ridicule yellow-toothed Brits. It was not until my friend Ted, a contender for Freddie Mercury’s Biggest Fan, enlightened me that this lyric was dramatically expressed in video for “These Are The Days Of Our Lives,” the last video made by Queen; Freddie looked straight into the camera and all but whispered it. It is believed that this was his way of saying goodbye to his fans. Excuse me, waiter? I do believe I’ll have a slice of that humble pie.

My inane thoughts are slowly creeping into my dreams. And while the following dream I had is absolutely absurd, it might also be a brilliant idea:
I was supposed to get together with some guy to study (I’m pretty sure I will be having nightmares about academia until the day I die) but we had never met before so there was uncertainty as to how he would know who I was (for some reason I knew what HE looked like). I was standing near the bus stop waiting for him to arrive when I saw him get off a bus. Instead of looking around for me, he simply bellowed at the top of his lungs, “Lisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” and waited for me to come to him.
So. Clearly I had this dream so I could relay to all of you a fantastic way of rendezvousing with a blind date, a client, or a middle-aged study buddy with a colossal red beard. (Please do not make insinuations about beards, my dad, and my dreams. That’s not necessary.)

A brief, yet crucial letter to the sports teams of Boston:
Dear Red Sox, Patriots, and Celtics,
Please stop winning championships when I am out of the country. It’s really not working out for me waking up at 3:30 in the morning to eye-flutter my way through your games. By all means, keep being awesome and winning. But please try to keep my schedule in mind when you do, okay?
XOXO,
Lisa

I'm definitely going to be in trouble for calling my mother a crazy, old hag

The stage. It was a nice gesture that they painted the ceiling so us paupers in the Yard could look up and have something nice to view.

The rich folks' seats. They actually weren't that plush; you could rent a cushion for £1 so that your backside wouldn't have to suffer the unforgiving wooden bench for hours. Maybe standing wasn't so bad.
Here is Eric sitting before the show. When I went back to stand next to him, I found that he had been singing to himself, securing himself as my favorite person in London.
After the show we walked along the river towards Tower Bridge. I expressed my fears about the Thames, large bodies of water, and large things in general. Buoys included. I pointed at these orange ones and told him that I found them to be quite petrifying. He told me I was being silly considering we could crush them. And then he did for me.

Tea at a cafe. Right before his iPhone rang, I was fiddling around with it and decided that maybe people who sell their souls to Apple for gadgets like that aren't so bad after all. I NEED ONE!!!!!!!