David Crosby's love child

Hampton Palace. I'm looking into a timeshare. Who's with me?

The Goat Major pub in Cardiff. Seriously. Who thinks of these pub names? Do they have a brainstorming session with a bunch of drunk dudes and one douchebag in the corner (who clearly has had some intimate moments with livestock) slurs, "Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute. Whattabout this? The Goat Major. Right? (burp) People'll luv it." And then, because no one else thought of anything better, that's what they went with.

There were dragons everywhere around the city of Cardiff. You can't get a cuppa without being reminded that "Hey...dragons are on the loose."

Gargamel and Azriel

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sure does look like a unicorn gargoyle outside Hampton Court, doesn't it? Now that's my kind of palace!

One of the inside courts of the palace. Looks like someone had one good idea for a window pattern and got a little carried away, no?

This is a man wearing uneven socks looking longingly at a sundial. Pretty self-explanatory. Well actually, wait. No. No, I can't think of ANY explanation as to why he was doing this.

They're not cankles, it's just the way my legs were resting on the ground! (That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.)

One of the 7 gardens surrounding the palace had these cute little mushroom-shaped trees everywhere. They were great for shade and picture-taking. I could have spent the entire day just lounging underneath one of them, but bearded-Marie would have wrung my neck if I was late back to the bus so I didn't.

If I’m not back in 5 minutes…just wait longer

There I am walking in the gardens of the Hampton Court Palace when two 7-year-old girls, presumably sisters, walk past me. One holds something out in her hand and says to the other, “Smell it, baby! Smell it!” Now, what is even more disturbing than the fact that a 7-year-old girl has just said that phrase is exactly where she heard it from. Because little girls don’t just come up with shit like that on their own; they have to hear it somewhere. Personally, I fear they overheard their mother saying it to their father, but about what specifically I don’t want to know.

Marie, the little old lady who happened to be my tour guide on both Sunday’s trip to the Cotswolds and Monday’s trip to Windsor and Hampton Court, was a little more sane than Alun Booth, but came very close to having as much facial hair as him. Anyway, at one point during the drive to Windsor, Marie is talking to us about the town we’re passing through and stops mid-sentence to point out, “Oh look! They’re playing cricket! How very British.” (This is the same woman who later said, “Everyone who’s here is here.”)

Overheard in a kitchen store in the quaint town of Burford, England: “Do you have that knife that does everything?”
(I immediately pictured a knife doing a tap dance followed by a knife drag racing followed by a knife drawing a bubble bath. Because if they make a knife that indeed does everything, I’m buying two.)

Okay, so Prince Harry. Princess Anne was giving out some medals to Harry and his fellow soldiers for fighting in Afghanistan at the barracks in Windsor. I didn’t know this until I walked past a barricade and overheard a policeman talking to some other tourists about it. Naturally I wasn’t going to let a date with royal destiny slip through my fingers and I made my way to where the crowd was forming; little did I know that the viewing spot I picked, right in front of a church, would be the last stop on the troops’ parade across town. So the horsies come. And the band comes. And then a bunch of army guys in fatigues come. And I am taking pictures like it’s my job. I kept my eyes peeled for ‘the other prince,’ Prince Charles, and/or Kate/Chelsy, but didn’t see any of them. I think I should have kept my eyes peeled a bit better since all the papers today showed pictures of them there. Hmm…. But whatever. I am happy with my pictures of Harry. Because even though he likes to dress up like a Nazi (which is unforgivable no matter who you are), it’s not every day you get to see a member of the royal family.

Today I bought some super duper pills with codeine and some other stuff in them without a prescription. England regulations are fun! (I bought them at Boots and not on a street corner, so settle down.)