Creepy old British ladies and their “babies”

I completely accept the fact that America has terrible television shows such as 1 vs. 100, The Hills, Wife Swap, and Step By Step. But England, you’d better sack up and admit that showing a program called My Fake Baby about women who buy dolls that look and feel just like infant babies is crossing a line. One man was being interviewed about his stance on his wife’s infatuation with the dolls while she was sitting right next to him. He made the mistake of referring to the dolls as, gasp, dolls and his wife corrected him, demanding he say “babies.” Another woman was asked how her husband feels about her obsession. She said, “He’ll just have to get used to it.” I’m DEFINITELY going to have nightmares tonight.

I think my mp3 player knows I’m in the UK because it’s playing a lot more Queen than it usually does.

The theater website K sent me is absolutely incredible. I already have tickets to go see three shows in the coming week. And for $4 a show, you can bet I’ll see any and every show that comes along.

As I maneuvered my way through a few tube stations at rush hour today, I realized what it feels like to be a commuter in a city of 8 bajillion. It’s EXACTLY like you’re doing double dutch and it’s your turn to jump in but you have to wait for that perfect moment amongst the hordes of people making sure you don’t step in anyone else’s way, step on someone’s feet, walk into a wall, walk into a turnstile, fall down the escalator, step onto the train while the door is closing, or go down the hallway that takes you to the Jubilee line when you really want to go to the Bakerloo line. I’m not very good at double dutch.

Bar bouncer: “What’s yer ight?”
Lisa: “What’s my WHAT?”
Bouncer: “What’s yer ight?”
Lisa: “Umm….”
Bouncer (makes a motion with his hand above his head): “Yer ight, yer ight!”
Lisa: “Oh, my height! I’m 5 feet.”
Bouncer: “Nope. You’re too short to come in.”
Lisa: “What? No way…”
Bouncer: “Hahahaha.”
(Silence)

Can someone confirm what substances make stains visible on your jeans under a blacklight? Is it really just bodily fluids and blood? Because if it is, I can never show my face in that bar again…and apparently, I really need to wash these jeans.

My new cell phone number for the duration of my time in London is 0750 2258 801. If you’re dialing from America, dial 011 44 750 etc. If you’re dialing from Sydney, well, I have no idea what to tell you, sorry. Also, feel free to text! (International rates should be the same as domestic.)