Not the best format, but I'm working on it

So, if I could do this right, or if I knew how to copy a screenshot on this computer, these four pictures would be all in a line. But alas, you'll just have to use your imagination.

Anyway, here are my cats. Spelling out my name.

Is Steve Wozniak still single?

I don't even have my new MacBook at home yet (it's still at the Apple store where all my music, pictures, and porn are being transferred on), but already I'm becoming an annoying Mac person. All I do is look up applications and widgets to download once I get it. I have decided that I will need daily sunrise and sunset times for every location in the world, 4 different versions of Freecell, a simulated rollercoaster ride, a demo version of Jeopardy, Passport Photo Studio which will allow me to take and print my own passport photo, 2 jigsaw puzzle games, and the Urban Dictionary word of the day. Will I use any of these things? Probably one of the Freecell games. And maybe I'll give Jeopardy a whirl, but I can definitely see myself giving up after completely bombing on the World History category.

I won't shut up about all the wonderful things iWork can do. But really - how often will I use a Yard Sale template or a keynote presentation? I mean, I could make a slammin' keynote file for Walter about how the kitchen sink is not an appropriate place to urinate blood, but I'm guessing he just won't listen nor appreciate it. I haven't spent the $49 yet on this software, but I'm going to download the free trial and see if I like it. My other option is to download Neo Office, the Mac version of Open Office. And while I'm sure this will more than do the job for standard word and excel type of applications, there's just something about iWork that is calling out to me and begging me to purchase it.

I'd say the thing I'm most excited about with my new Mac is the iMovie feature. I've (clearly) never made a movie. But now that I have some great software that is so user friendly, I think I'm going to make a movie about everything I can. Potential topics: 1) A documentary on the dude who works at the library - Why is he so quiet? Why does he cross his legs like that? Is he 25 or 45? Why does he print out the receipt every time for me when he sees me go outside and immediately throw it in the trash can? 2) A Fight Club montage of Harvey pummelling Walter. (Seriously. You should see these guys wrassle.) 3) A birthday movie for my Mom complete with clips of me perusing JDate.com, using coupons at CVS, calling Nana to say hello, and taking down the picture she hates of her and my Dad where she's not wearing makeup.

Irregardlessly of what I make my movies about, you can be sure that I will (at least try to) embed them in this blog. So get ready. My new MacBook will benefit everyone.

Have I mentioned I'm excited???

Meowr

I have two cats. I named them Harvey and Walter. When I chose those names, I didn't realize I had a cousin Harvey whose father's name was Walter. I just chose them because they were awesome old man names.
(Harvey is currently lying on top of Walter. I'm not exaggerating. He is lying horizontally on top of him. I'm actually quite worried about this since he weighs a staggering 13 pounds (he's not even 1 year old) and Walter weighs probably 6 pounds soaking wet. I'll keep you updated on the situation.)
Anyway, so yeah. Cats. They're pretty good to have, I reckon. They'll curl up with you when you're watching your fourth straight episode of Law and Order SVU. They'll lick your eyelids at 5:15 am because hey, it's time to get up already, you lazy ass. They'll preen and groom each other and you will wonder what kind of wonderful world we would live in if humans treated each other with that level of care. And they will wrestle with each other, occasionally doing stunts that are all too reminiscent of Keanu Reeve's mid-air attacks in The Matrix.
(Walter has become fed up with the extra poundage lying on top of him and has maneuvered his way out of the body hold. I don't think Harvey even noticed.)
But you know...cats can also suck. They can contract UTIs and pee on your bed, in your bathroom sink, in a stray cardboard box, on your bathroom floor, in their cat carrier, and in your bathtub all in a matter of 45 seconds (2 drops in each location). At first you might be annoyed by this seeing as how washing a comforter every night of your life isn't the most relaxing chore. But then you will realize that maybe you shouldn't get pissed every time you come home to your apartment and find a yellow puddle in the middle of your pillow. Because your kitties are sick. And they're probably either in pain or very uncomfortable. And you should go and hug them.
In conclusion, cats are fun. Urine-filled, but fun.

A posting full of cats

Walter attacking Harvey attacking a trash can.

Harvey staring intently at nothing.

Their stares are intense.
Walter eating out of a cat.
Snugglemuffin.

We’re slowly falling out of reach

So there I am sitting on the sofa watching Men In Black II with my parents when a commercial for a dog and cat nail groomer comes on. The product advertises as a less painful way to trim your pet’s nails and, to prove their point, shows a cartoon clip of a regular nail clipper snipping off part of a dog’s toe in addition to the nail. It is at this point that both my parents scream at the top of their lungs (much like you’d hear during the Achilles tendon part of the movie Hostel) and my dad yells above my mother’s shrieking, “Change the channel! Change the channel!”

I’m back in Boston. And all is right with the world. I’ve been back for two weeks and haven’t had time to breathe let alone write down some of the fun things that have happened. For example, I was walking home one night and saw a middle-aged man coming out from behind a secluded building fiddling with his pants. I then saw a middle-aged woman, who I presumed to be his wife, coming from an altogether different direction saying, “Honey, don’t be a weirdo.” Or that time that I was walking to play tennis on Boston Commons at 8am on a Sunday morning and saw a man (who didn’t appear homeless and/or crazy) spinning around in circles with his arms out. He then tried to walk in a straight line and obviously couldn’t. What kind of grown man does this?

By far the most awesome thing that has happened since I got home, other than finally being able to watch the Food Network with my new cable, was acquiring my two new kittens, Walter and Harvey (pronounced Wahltah and Hahvey like a true Bostonian). They’re 5-month-old tabby cat brothers who I adopted from the Animal Rescue League through some help of my friend Courtney who, as the shelter manager, has the greatest job in the world. Sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart since their markings are very similar, but the one distinguishing feature is that Walter isn’t exactly weaned yet and likes to pretend that Harvey is his mom and suckles all over him - his shoulder, his neck, his back, and his non-milk producing belly. This was cute at first, but when combined with a tiny sucking sound and a mat of wet fur, it’s become just disturbing. While acquiring two cats is a much bigger step on the way to becoming a cat lady than merely adopting one, you need not worry just yet because I will never take them for a walk on leashes or in a stroller. The day I do that is the day you find 34 frozen cat bodies in my freezer. Or the day someone pays me $200 to do it…whichever comes first.