Don't even get me started on burping in public

I don't understand mouth-breathers. First of all, I don't know if it's even hyphenated. Mouth breathers. Mouth-breathers. Hmm. I suppose it doesn't matter because if you're a mouth breather, you're probably so low on the food chain that you don’t know either.

There are only a handful of situations where breathing through your wide-open mouth is acceptable. I will detail them for you:
- You have a sinus infection and cannot breathe through your nose because it is filled with snot.
- Someone has just told you that they've been sleeping with somebody else for the past 5 years and can you please sign these divorce papers.
- You are running a sub 6:00 mile.
- You have a date in 5 minutes and you need to check with your best friend if you're good to go or if you need to gargle with Listerine first.

And that's pretty much it. If you think there's another viable option but it's not on the above list, it’s not a viable option. Close your mouth.

Don't even get me started on the woman who breathed onto my neck while I was waiting to get off the plane

There are a lot of things about airports that are unbearably frustrating. I won't list them all because I'm sure you know most of them; and plus, it would only make me mad and I'm trying to focus on being positive these days. But here's something travelers do that is just mindboggling idiotic and needs to be whined about:

There are assholes out there who are under the impression that 96% of the bags that come out onto the baggage claim could be theirs. I don't care if they have a bright fuscia suitcase with a pink polka dotted dragon embroidered on the front with an orange tongue, a green cape with a 'D' on it (for Dragon, obviously), and blue flames shooting out its nose. They will pick up every single suitcase and check all 4 handles for nametags, airport tags, rainbow pom poms, and duct tape to see if it's theirs. Then, when they realize that a black Samsonite isn't at all what their bag looks like, they will throw it back onto the conveyor belt...only to pick it up again when it comes back around.

This morning I saw a woman pick up a two-tone colored car seat (and I'm talkin' bright colors, not just like beige and black or something), inspect it carefully, and then put it back. Douchebag.